Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
