dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
