They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
