i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
