Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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