Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
