So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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