so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
