What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
