Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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