does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just want to make out with him forever
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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