It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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