OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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