My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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