so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
