Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
