i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
