The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As shirtless as possible
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
