it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
