My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
