Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You can't special order awesome
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
