I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
