Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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