The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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