Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
