She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
