It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
