oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So squirting runs in the family.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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