I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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