She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
