You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
