you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the raccoons are back...
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