i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
