just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
