Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Small penises have feelings too.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
