i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
