Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
