I need to stop coming to work sober
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
