I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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