dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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