He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
