I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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