I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
