I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
