Define "chronic" masturbator.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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