I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
