i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
