Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
