i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
