That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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